Western Men Frustrate Me!!!

I was walking to my friend's house in the city center last night and I passed by a guy walking next to a girl. He was speaking English, so I stopped him with the intention of giving him my card and possibly offering to help him NOT TO make the same mistakes that so many others make. .

He resisted my advance and my card, and told me that he didn't need any help. The rejection in and of itself is not that big of a deal. I am not a little kid. My feelings do not get hurt that easily. However, it was his body language.

His shoulders perked backward, he stood up straighter, turned his body at an angle, and backed away as if he had just been approached by a diseased lepper. So, the subconscious, non-verbal message he was sending to me was that he already knew everything he needed to know, and the possibility didn't even exist that I could possibly offer him anything of value. So, in fact, he was sending me the message that my information was worthless and that I was worthless. The guy looked like Rick Moranis!, Short, weak, with glasses, etc.

I wanted to yell at him, MY BLOG IS FREE YOU IDIOT!!! I AM NOT TRYING TO TAKE FROM YOU LIKE SO MANY OTHER!!! I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU!!! STOP BEING AN ARROGANT PRICK AND REALIZE THAT I AM NOT ASKING YOU FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN TO OPEN YOUR EYES AND TO OPEN YOUR MIND SO AS TO SAVE YOU A LOT OF TIME, EFFORT, ENERGY, AND MONEY IN ORDER TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS!!!

I challenge you as a reader to look into your own life. Is there anywhere where you think you already know all of the answers? Is there anywhere in your life where you have not looked at a problem or situation with an open mind and an open heart, seeking a new point of view???

Ukrainian Girls Show Up

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Understanding the cultural differences

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Russian Wedding

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Political Correctness

I taught a new class today that almost had me fall out of my chair with both laughter as well as anger. The title of the class was the same as this point, "Political Correctness". The class had 6 Ukrainian girls in it. The youngest Ukrainian girl was 17, 3 Ukrainian girls in the 23-25 year old range, one about 40, and another in her late 40s. Needless to say, this was a very interesting class.

I started the class by saying that I have recently become aware that it is probably going to be very difficult for me to ever live full-time in the United States again. Why, you ask? Well, I wrote my answer on the white board. I said, "I don't think that I'd be able to hold a job for very long in the United States without getting fired for political incorrectness. I am the opposite of politically correct!"

I said, "Let me give you a perfect example." I gave one example after the other of how my country's values and beliefs on this topic have just gone too far. Originally, the intention was completely positive. I have a friend that works for one of the largest shipping companies in the world, and less than a year ago, he complimented his boss (a 40ish female who had lost about 35 pounds since he had seen her last. 35 pounds is about 16 kilograms). He said to her, "Congrats Sally on losing that weight! You look great!!!"

He was immediately pulled into the nearest office by the human resources rep for his company and reprimanded. He was told if he ever did that again, he would be written up for sexual harassment.

I asked the 6 Ukrainian girls if they liked it when a guy told them that they were good looking, attractive, or complimented them on their looks or clothing, etc. One girl gave a very poignant response, saying, "I think it depends on the guy offering the compliment." However, of the 6 Ukrainian girls in my class, 4 and a half answered "yes! I enjoy being complimented by a man"

We talked about sometimes, how a girl just wants to work, or exercise, or do whatever she is doing without having to deal with the hassle of being complimented, or having to fend off men who might be hitting on her. However, I commented that I felt the percentage might actually be exactly the opposite in my home culture. I think that 4.5 out of 6 prefer to not have you compliment them.

Now, to the funny stuff. There was one exercise in which the students needed to match the common, or more well known politically INcorrect term with the new politically correct term. This is where things started to just get stupid and make me realize that I live in the perfect place for my present mentality. I like being able to give a couple of second gaze at a pretty Ukrainian girl, her body, or even look her in the eye without having to feel ashamed or guilty about it like I felt in America.

Of course, the original intentions of feminists, politicians, and the media was and is positive. I get that. I even referenced a late 70s or early 80s movie with Farah Faucet called The Burning Bed. Good for her!!! If you aren't familiar with it, I suggest you look it up on IMDB.

Now, let's enjoy some of the goofiness of being American.

A fireman must now be called a firefighter? - no big deal
A businessman now must be called a business person? - ok.
A cameraman must be called a camera operator? - really?
An autistic child must be referred to as a child with autism? - Does that autistic child really understand the difference between those two terms?
A Third World Country is no longer a Third World Country, it must be referred to as the Global South? - GTF outta here!!! Really??? Who gives a sh@#???
An Eskimo must now be  called a person from the Global North? C'mon!!! You've gotta be sh*#@ing me!!!
A fat person (present company included) must now be referred to as Big Boned or Differently Sized???
Ha! Ha! I am just fat! There is no doubt about it! I have an eating disorder! And, 85% of the girls in this culture do not even see me as fat even though I am 6'0" (181cm) tall and 240 pounds (about 111 kg)
If you are fat, then you are fat!!! If you have an eating disorder, then you overeat! So be it!!! Why do I have to refer to myself as big boned???? Comical!!!
A blind person is a person with a visual impairment. That person cannot even see you call him/her blind anyway!! What does it matter?
A deaf person is a person must be referred to as a person with an aural impairment? Whatever! He/she can't hear me say that he/she is deaf anyway!!!
How about this one? An unemployed person wants to be referred to as unwaged??? Are you freakin' serious? You're out of work!!! Period!!! We've all been there and experienced that.
Why does my culture have to make things so freakin' difficult????

This is the best one though. There is a social condition that we previously called poor, and in my country, I am not supposed to say someone is poor, I am supposed to say that they are economically disadvantaged!!!!
Bit@**!!! If you are too lazy to work, and to stupid to pick up a book and learn something, THEN YOU ARE POOR!!!! BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF!!! YOU ARE OUT OF WORK, POOR, AND HOPELESS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO F'N LAZY TO PICK UP A BOOK AND CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF!!!

I live in the perfect country. As I get older, I think that I get less tolerant in having people around me that don't want to improve themselves in some way. That is why I think that I found the perfect job and the perfect school. Our school is one of the more expensive schools in Odessa, so, people who are intermediate level of English or higher, and coming to our school to improve are exactly that!!! They are serious about improving themselves and their lives. That is why I love them!!!

That is also why the best place to meet Ukrainian girls is not on a marriage or dating website, I believe it is in speaking clubs, speaking groups, or at English schools. I stopped dating Ukrainian girls from my school about 7 months ago, but if there was one Ukrainian girl that jumped out at me, I wouldn't hesitate to try to ask her on a date. Please don't tell my boss though. )))

Ukrainian Girls' Mothers

Well, the girl I spoke about yesterday left here and proceeded to send me a message that her mother criticized her English. In fact, the translation was telling her daughter that her English was awful.

I just wanted to talk about the behavior aspect of this action - the criticism of her daughter's English.

In case, the mother has never studied English at all. In fact, she has never studied any language, she only speaks Russian and Ukrainian which are both learned naturally by growing up here in Ukraine.

What is the mother trying to accomplish with this statement? Of course, all statements of motivation and thought pattern come solely from the subconscious mind or unconscious awareness. A person who behaves in this way is generally not aware of the level of thought or consideration I am attempting to bring to this specific conversation. My goal is to allow my readers to see a new point of view, and perhaps to even inspire someone to look at conversations that have occurred in their own life from a similar point of view, but with a new perspective.

From a solely behavioral aspect, I contend that the mother's motivation is to de-value her daughter by criticizing her level of English. Why would she want to do that???

Well, as a child, we encounter many situations within which we naturally feel de-valued ourselves. Parents put us down, criticize us, or just don't let us participate in grown-up conversations. Big brothers or sisters, friends, or people at school do the same. hey reject us, tell us we can't play with them, we can't do what they are doing. All of the biggest events occur prior to the age of 7. We carry these feelings of rejection or 'less value' with us subconsciously. Hence, most of us naturally don't feel as valuable as the adults or other kids around us.

When someone disagrees with us, we develop a natural behavior of becoming overly emotional just like  baby who is being denied food or a very young child (less than 3 years old - sometimes older) who is being denied some toy or object. Man of us don't ever develop any other way to communicate when we are angry or upset.

One of the things I've noticed over my three plus years in Odessa is that people here do not hide their emotions at all. In fact, many people raise their voice regularly in an effort to try to communicate. Or, perhaps I should re-phrase that. Many people raise their voice in an effort to try to be heard. When a person doesn't feel heard or doesn't feel listened to, then they inherently attempt to change their communication in order to be heard. Speaking much, much louder and with strong emotion and energy is the most common means due to the fact that this worked for us when we were small children and we wanted something. If we made too much noise, our parents usually gave-in and gave us whatever we wanted in order to shut us up! As a result, we instinctively continue to use this same type of communication in our closest adult relationships in an effort to be heard.

Let me get back to the students. I have been teaching English for more than 4 years now, and have probably taught more than 1700 students, and I can promise you that this girl is one of the best students I have encountered. She works hard, she studies with a seeking mind, searching for ways to improve, to learn, to practice, and to remember. She reads, writes, listens, understands, and speaks quite well (even though she thinks that she cannot speak). She makes small mistakes, but her English is improving so fast that she makes me feel 'not so smart'.

Hes mother ripped her English only to make her own ego feel better. If I put her down, then I can feel better about my own inadequacies for a moment. It is actually basic psychology.

The fact that all people haven't learned this yet just tells you of the level of learning and awareness about behavior that does not exist in this country yet. If you want your relationship with Ukrainian girls to be good and run smoothly, you are probably going to have to learn how to deal with this type of outburst and these types of insulting, critical comments.

My strategy is pretty simple. A girl who deals with her problems by criticizing me, is not really welcome in my life unless she is open to reading, learning, opening her mind to a new point of view and a new way of dealing with her problems instead of just blowing up like an emotional time bomb and trying to de-value me through insults.

If you come across a Ukrainian girl who blows up like this, hopefully you have thought about my words and this aspect of female behavior and are ready with a set strategy. I know that I hate this type of confrontation and feel that it does not solve any problems. I try to make my life about solving problems, not helping them to escalate.

This is an apology to any girl that wants me to yell back at her or blow up at her so that she knows that I care. Sorry because I do not feel that blowing up at you will help matters at all. I prefer to listen to your point of view and then ind a solution. That is all. Perhaps it will be difficult for me to find a Ukrainian girl who is open to my point of view, but I only need one to be successful. My heart tells me that there is at least one Ukrainian girl here that fits me. And, to the mother of this wonderful girl, --- too bad you have no idea just how wonderful your daughter really is. If you opened your eyes, you'd actually realize that she is everything you had ever hoped for and much, much more!!!